What It Feels Like To Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

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Your world revolves around him, doesn’t it?

He hangs the stars up in the sky for you, he changes the seasons, the days, the winds. He controls the tides, the sunrise and the sunset; he also controls the beating of your heart. You would do anything for him, you would stop time for him, you would take a bullet for him, and you would close his wounds with love if it were possible. He is everything you wanted and more, a sparkling constellation in a dark inky sky that you’d given up on long ago…

And you are a mere mortal.

You can only watch with shattered eyes as he hangs the stars up in your sky, changes the seasons, the days, and time. You can only pretend to smile as he controls the beating of your damaged, broken heart, and makes you feel emotions – pure emotions – that you haven’t felt in a long time. You’d deny that it’s love, but how could it be anything else? How could this emotion, this broken beating, be anything else but love?

This is pure, broken love, the kind that launches ships and starts wars; the kind of great love that is talked about in epic poems and sung about in famous love ballads. You feel it in the deepest pits of your soul, feel the emotions tug at you as if you were a marionette pulled up on heart strings. And every pull at your soul is painful, but it keeps you going, and it keeps you alive. Every spark and every step is for him, hoping that one day he’ll realize how much he means to you.But no matter how hard you try, you can never reach the man pulling at your heart strings.

It’s not like you didn’t try to tell him – you had hoped the sparkle in your eyes and the skip in your step would be enough to tell him that your world revolved around him. You had hoped that the way you answered his every text within ten seconds (restraining yourself is hard; you’d make it five seconds but don’t want to seem too eager) would help him realize that you cared for him, you listened to him, and that for you, there was only him. You had whispered, during your late-night talks, that you were in love with someone who was perfect for you, and you’d hoped, you’d dared to dream that he would understand who you were talking about.

How funny is it that when it comes to everything else, talking to him seems so easy to do, but when it comes to your feelings, it is like you’re talking to a brick wall?

Loving him is a void, and you are throwing your feelings into a never-ending black hole, waiting for it to swallow your whole being.

Loving him is a void, and you are throwing your feelings into a never-ending black hole, waiting for it to swallow your whole being. He is so close, yet so far away, and every time you can feel him right at the edge of your fingertips, he slips away, far away from your smile, from your love, from your heart that is bursting with love. You never stop trying; if anything, you keep reaching out. Every time you reach out, you hear the optimistic part of your brain that whispers, Today, he will notice you. Today, he will see you. Today, he will love you, and you will get what you deserve, and so much more. That day never comes, but doesn’t mean you’ve stopped waiting for it. In fact, every day gives you more hope.

Every day is a new day; screw cliches. Loving a man who will never love you the same way you do him is like waking up in the morning to smash that snooze button.Give me another chance, give me five more minutes, give me more time. You whisper your heartaches to the winds, hoping that one day, by chance or by a miracle, he will hear you.

(You know he won’t, but there’s nothing wrong about hoping, right?)

Ah, yes, it hurts, it hurts so much more than one can ever imagine, but you know the truth – that you are a masochist and your pain helps you survive. Your pain keeps you alive. This love will be your downfall, and it will break you down more times than it will pull you up. This isn’t a problem to you, anyway… you can survive another heartbreak. You can still be happy for him, no matter where his life takes him, even if it takes him away from you. Your hope is your saving grace, that sparkling light that makes you believe in true love again. It is your hope that gives you the simple, foolish thought; One day, his world will revolve around me. One day, I will be the center of his universe.

He hangs the stars up in the sky for you, yes, that much is true… but that makes him unreachable, makes you too far away to be seen. The thing is, you are long past caring. And you are far past being sad about it.

1 COMMENT

  1. While this story is about a woman loving a man who does not share her feelings, this is pretty much my story as well as I still love someone who will never love me, or rather, never love me again. It’s so hard to let go because I can’t, even if I wanted to. We have a child together and feelings are still there. Man does it hurt.

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